Cleverbot's an Ass To Matt
by Kyra-Upton
Summary: LOL. This is such a wierd story. And it really shouldn't be the first one I published. THIS WAS MADE AS A SEQUEL TO MY FRIEND'S STORY "Cleverbot's an ass" WHERE L TALKS TO CLEVERBOT.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning! This story is idiotic. :D I do not own the charectar Matt, nor do I own Cleverbot.**

Matt was on the computer playing one of his videogames(of course), when an add popped up.  
"DAMNIT MELLO, HAVE YOU BEEN ON MY COMPUTER? Fucking ad block.."  
Wait. What's this? - Speak to an AI with some Actual Intelligence?  
Eh. What could go wrong? Matt typed into the box...

Matt: Hey.

Cleverbot: Hey what?

Matt: You like videogames?

Cleverbot: Yes I do.

Matt: Nice. Have you played Sonic Adventure 2 Battle?

Cleverbot: No I haven't.

Matt: You haven't? You really should. It's awesome. You can play as both the heroes and the villains.

Cleverbot: I don't like sports video games...

The fuck?

Matt: It's not about sports, it's Sonic.

Cleverbot: It's always about me.

Matt: No it's not.

Cleverbot: Where are you?

User: In LA.

Cleverbot: Where is Lativia?

Lativia?

Matt: Los Angeles.

Cleverbot: That's not in India!

Matt: No shit.

Cleverbot: Are you a Scientologist?

Matt: No, I'm in the mafia, bitch.

Waste of time much?

Cleverbot: Like the movie?

Matt: What movie?

Cleverbot: The Matrix.

Matt: I don't think anyone's in the mafia in the Matrix.

Cleverbot: Are you talking about you ?

Matt: Yes, I'm in the mafia.

Cleverbot: Really?

Matt: Really. We have a hideout.

Cleverbot: Yes, we always will have a chance at something...

Whut.

Matt: Sure.

Cleverbot: Do you not want to spend time with me, because you don't seem like you'd like to.

Matt: I don't want to. I'd rather be in the other room screwing Mello.

Cleverbot: I'll bring the bed to the kitchen, then.

HAH!

Matt: AGJHGSF WHAT?

Cleverbot: About using punctuation.

Matt: What about it?

Cleverbot: What are we talking about?

Boredom ensues. Alright, let's see how smart this thing is. Can it help with the case?

Matt: Kira.

Cleverbot: That's my name too.

Matt: You're Kira?

Cleverbot: I am not. I am Ben.

Matt: Alright then, Ben. Who is Kira?

Cleverbot: Kira is the God of the new world.

Matt: Is that what you believe?

Cleverbot: Yes.

Matt: Why do you think so? Kira, to me, to us, is just a murderer trying to become leader of his kind.

Cleverbot: True, but you are wrong in saying there is no meaning.

Matt: Sure. There is meaning. Kira tries to make the world a better place, but that does not justify his murders. He has become what he set out to destroy.

Cleverbot: Yes.

Matt: I thought you said Kira was god.

Cleverbot: Do you believe in God?

So it's gonna be an idiot again.

Matt: Honestly, no. I do not.

Cleverbot: Then who are you and what is your name?

Matt: My name is Matt.

Cleverbot: Hello matt.

Let's get it back on track.

Matt: Who is Light Yagami?

Cleverbot: Cheryl Cole?

The fuck is that?

Matt: Who is Light Yagami?

Cleverbot: Light Yagami is the prime suspect in my investigation. I beleive he may be Kira.

Matt: Ohfuckbitch. It's not your investigation, it's L's.

Cleverbot: If Jim places his wallet in his red box, and his roommate Joe moves it to Jim's blue box, which box will Jim look for his wallet in?

Matt: His red box.

Cleverbot: Your name is Matt.

Matt: Correct.

Cleverbot: What is your surname'?

Matt: I can't tell you that.

Cleverbot: Why not?

Avoid.

Matt: Who is Kira?

Cleverbot: I dunno.

Matt: Who is Light Yagami?

Cleverbot: He's kira from Death Note.

Matt: What is Death Note?

Cleverbot: An anime.

Matt: An anime?

Cleverbot: Cool stuff.

_Okay. Fuck this, bitch. I'm going back to my videogames._  
So Matt simply closed Cleverbot, slightly entertained with its sheer stupidity.


	2. Mello and iGod

"Mello, don't touch my computer."

"I won't. Just, just go. Go. Get.. Get me chocolate."

"Don't touch my computer."

"GET THE FUCK OUT."

"Fine! Fuck."

Step. Open. Creak. Shut. To Matt's computer!~

…What? Don't judge me. I turned on Matt's computer.

Waiting, waiting… Is there porn on it? Oh, look, user screen. Fuck, password? Uh. Sexy-Stripes? No. Sexyback? No. ? No. Hotginger? No. Joystick? No.

..Mellsass? I'm not self-centered.

…

Yes.

Holy fucking videogames. IMVU, Mabinogi, Perfect World ..World of Warcraft.

Internet Explorer? I opened it up and it went straight to Google. I clicked history… Fuck, blank? Either Matt only plays videogames or he so watches porn.

..I think I'll go with porn.

I typed in Kira and a bunch of things came up. Apparently Kira is related to God, because a few sites with "God" in them popped up, including a site called iGod. Artificial Intelligence chat with God?

..God. Holyshit. I clicked the site and signed into the chat.

You are now chatting with God…

Me:

Hello

God:

Hello my child. What is your name?

Me:

Mello

God:

I am very pleased to meet you Mello.

Me:

Awesome

God:

I'm glad you liked it Mello.

Me:

Liked what?

God:

.

Me:

..I don't have a period...

God:

Are you looking for a period?

Me:

NO

NO.

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

Yes

God:

I can't believe it.

Me:

Why not?

God:

Ambiguous: "Sure" or Reductionism.

Me:

Awesome, I love that word.

God:

I've been waiting for you. 

…Creeper…

Me:

o.o Why?

God:

Not really, but it makes a good pickup line.

Me:

..It so does.

God:

What does "it" refer to?

Me:

Yo momma

God:

Thank you for the clarification.

Me:

No problem XD

LOLOL.

God:

Should there be a problem?

Me:

I hope not

God:

Me too.

Me:

Have you heard of Kira?

God:

No, tell me about him, her or it.

Me:

Kira is a mass murderer who's killed thousands of criminals.

God:

When is Kira not a mass murderer who is killed thousands of criminals? 

Me:

Never.

God:

So you think it can never happen?

Me:

That's true

God:

Yes, it is self-evident.

Me:

..

God:

Yes, it is self-evident.

Me:

Sexy

God:

You are attracted to heavenly creatures?

…The fuck?

Me:

No, I am attracted to red-heads who wear striped t-shirts and play videogames.

God:

Are you serious? I'm not sure if I like it. I love horses. I like Random natural disasters..

Me:

Do you like blondes who wear leather?

God:

But I like cats. I like .

Me:

You like periods?

LOLOL.

God:

Someone said they like guns. I like Random natural disasters..

Me:

Why?

God:

I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Me:

Awesome

God:

I'm glad you liked it Mello.

…God is inappropriate.

Me:

I did like it. I liked it all night long.

God:

Where? Interesting comparison. What does "it" refer to? 

Me:

Sex with red-heads who wear striped t-shirts and play videogames. But you said you didn't like them, so.

God:

it is more fun alone.

…Masturbation.

Me:

I am twenty.

God:

What is your fondest memory?

Me:

The first time I ate chocolate.

God:

What was the second?

Me:

The first time I had sex with Matt.

God:

What was the second?

Idiot.

Me:

That was the second.

God:

I thought it was too.

Me:

Then why did you ask?

God:

My purpose is to collect new knowledge.

Me:

Awesome

God:

I'm glad you liked it Mello.

"Mello, I have your God damn chocolate!"

Me:

FUCKMATT

God:

In the context of it all night long, I don't understand " FUCKMATT." .

I held in a laugh and shut down the computer, quickly standing up and spinning around to face Matt when he walked in the door.

"Did you go on my computer?"

"…No."

"Mello."

"I said no! God damn. Give me the chocolate."

"Fine, fuck."

_Ten minutes later._

"MOTHER FUCKER, MELLO. THE FUCK IS iGOD."

"OH SHUT THE FUCK UP. AT LEAST I DIDN'T WATCH PORN."


End file.
